Where did my writing days go? My brain is now 30 years old and has lost much of its energy and the creativity that once felt so effortless. I used to write and write, and probably most of it was drivel I'd rather burn than read again, but at least I wrote. For every 500 words there were a few good ones strung together nicely, so it was always worth it. But now. But now, but now...
It's April and there are still bits of snow left on the grass, below the bottom-end of the fence where the sun doesn't reach. There's a small pile of cat poo that confirms my suspicions he's the culprit behind my dug-up daffs. I'll have to plant some more lemon thyme and hope that keeps him at bay. The lavender pots are also waiting to be planted, but I'm asking them to be patient. I'll wait until the thermometer creeps past 0 for good, and then I'll plant them in a neat little row. Come summer I'm expecting bees and some good scents wafting through the air (assuming we're still at West Royd Avenue - the landlord has put the house on the market).
I'm disappointed none of my spring flowers have made an appearance yet, apart from the three crocuses (only one surviving after an incident with a ladder). I planted 200 bulbs in the autumn - could it really be that none of them will come up? Do I have grounds to request a refund? Do I just accept I'm a poor 'gardener' who grew up in LA and actually has no idea what she's doing? I have soaked apple seeds chilling in the fridge (the instructions told me so), tomato seeds in a small tray that are definitely NOT coming up, and a few pathetic lavender plugs that I was too impatient to nurture indoors and so have suffered the consequences of my shortsightedness - ie, the harsh winter which has left them stunted and scraggly. Oh, and my orchid is discoloured and not blooming anytime soon.
I'm reminded of two things. First, God is an unfathomably creative and powerful creator. I try with all my might to grow these things to no avail. Yet He has created an entire natural world that is beautiful and happily exists - grows, dies, grows and multiplies again - on its own without any effort from us (obviously without taking into account human interference, agricultural innovations, etc - you know exactly what I mean). Second, people > plants. Like Jonah pouting over the kikayon I oughtn't to get so worked up over my plants (as good as it is to enjoy them). I should be caring for and loving people with even more energy and compassion than I give to my plants. People, not plants, are bearers of God's image and are so precious. Huw and I went for a walk yesterday in the Southern Washlands Nature Corridor and there was a young boy sitting by himself, right by the weir over the rushing water. We were both really struck by the sight of him looking miserable (perhaps he wasn't - he might have just been thinking or wanting some fresh air). Huw wondered if he should see if he was okay, but the boy pulled up his hoodie and looked like he just wanted to be left alone. We left him in peace (we weren't worried he was in danger - the weir wasn't that steep or fast-moving), but he brought to mind many of the people, young and old, we've come across in our time up here who have been lonely, angry or just plain sad. We need to look up and out of ourselves and our comfortable home and nice-ish garden to the people around us. 'And the Lord said, “You pity the plant, for which you did not labour, nor did you make it grow, which came into being in a night and perished in a night. And should not I pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle?"' Jonah 4:10-11.
